Indeed, I choose to follow You!

As I embark on my journey to the west coast, so many different emotions are brewing. I'm excited, nervous, happy, encouraged, sad to leave for another summer. But I am reminded that my emotions do not change our God. No matter how I'm feeling, He is still good, gracious, loving, kind, compassionate, just, merciful, graceful, mighty; I could go on and on.

Much has changed in the last year, the last few months, and even since last week. Having just graduated and moved, many unknowns cloud my mind. I keep searching for the answers to what the future holds - to where I'll be living come August, where I'll be working, if I'll be working; I could go on and on.

I've come to notice that I've fixed my eyes on the latter of these lists. My mind reels day and night and my countless to-do lists never seem to get me anywhere. I am lost, seeking to figure things out so that I can have a plan for my life.

See, when I focus on my plans, suddenly I am grasping at straws - looking to the right or left and focusing on my lack.

But God has promised me great things. It is by faith that I believe Him when He says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11.

I know that I am sinful and that my constant need to make plans for myself is my attempt at taking control away from God. It saddens Him and pains Him to see me attempt to be self-sufficient. But He delights in my return to Him. He welcomes me with wide open arms and embraces me with His loving mercy and grace. He sees me as His beloved daughter, clean and blameless because of what Jesus did on the Cross - bearing my sin and overcoming it on the third day.

I am forgiven, I am redeemed, I am set free from sin and death and I am alive in Jesus Christ! To know that in my head is one thing, but to believe it in my heart is a totally transformational experience, life changing, if you will! When I chose to follow Jesus with my life, I chose to believe that what God's word says is true, despite my circumstances and my feelings. Therefore, I will choose to fix my eyes on the Lord and His promises and His freedom.

Choosing to focus on what God has for us is empowering, but also challenging! We are training our minds in how to think and focus on the good instead of the bad, on what blessings we have been given and not on what blessings we don't have yet. But think about the freedom that lies in focusing on the Lord and His perfect plan! He will lead you and guide you, when you follow Him. His plan may not look pretty all of the time and it for sure will not be full of rainbows and butterflies always, but the love that He gives, that penetrates deep into your soul, will change your life forever.

Here are a few questions to ponder and perhaps comment about below:

In what ways am I fixing my eyes on my problems?

How can Jesus be the solution to my problems?

Honestly,

the last chapter of my journey at Marquette has begun and I cannot believe it because it feels like yesterday things had just begun here. The last few months I have spent time reflecting on my time here and the legacy I'd like to leave. Quickly, I started comparing my experiences to others and rating my success on some handcrafted scale. Slowly, by the grace of the Lord, it became clear to me that I want my legacy to lead people to Christ, not myself. I don't want people worshipping me in five, ten, fifteen years, I want people to know and experience the love, grace, mercy, and kindness of our Heavenly Father.

I have felt bound by conformity my entirely life. I grew up not really speaking. I rarely could come up with ideas and thoughts on my own and felt as if, even if I did have an idea, it would be refuted because it wasn't worth anything to anybody. I never really developed my own likes, I liked what other people did so that I would be accepted, I wore what other people wore to gain acceptance, I talked like other people to win the approval of them. I didn't want to make my own decisions because of the fear of rejection. I valued so much the validation of others in anything that I was doing and when it didn't come, I either conformed or I was devastated for weeks, months, years!

It has taken me this long to realize that my identity is in Christ and He made me unique and special for His purposes. Sometimes though, even as a Christian, I feel myself conforming to what has become of the Christian culture, looking the part, but not really living it or at least not understanding who I am as a Christian, a unique individual made in the image of Christ. He says that I am forgiven, holy, blameless, righteous, secure, accepted, loved, significant, adopted, free, protected, and used by Him. If you are a child of God, you are all of these things! When I seek God and learn more about who He says that I am, I notice the unique gifts I have to serve God. When He makes me whole, I can see how He can use me more clearly.

Because God did not create us all to be the same. He says in 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 that if the whole body was an eye, where would the sense of hearing be. This meaning that the body is made up of many parts; that each has their own function, hands touch, ears hear, mouth tastes, etc. These parts together allow the body to grow and develop. An eye cannot be an ear and and an ear does not become a hand. We each have a specific function, that is unlike any other person. That is how God created each of us. But honestly, I didn't know that in my heart until last summer!  

We are sinful by nature, so by no means am I saying that we should not seek to become more like Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit, but additionally, that we should seek to know God so that we can begin to understand who He has created us to be so that we will be able to serve and grow His kingdom for His glory.

Who did God create you to be? A unique worshipper of Himself. He delights in YOU because of who YOU are, not what you've done or accomplished, but inside, who He made you to be! He loves His children so much! And He wants to use those unique gifts, but first will you allow Him into the depths of your heart to reveal those special talents He has given you? Will you allow the Holy Spirit to transform you into the likeness of Christ? In the name of Jesus, I pray that God would give you a desire and by the guidance of His Spirit, reveal to you your identity in Him for the glory of His Kingdom! Amen!

sometimes the best and hardest thing to do is...trust

i've been making plans my whole life. plans for how to finish my homework, plans for what board game to play with my friends, plans for the summer, etc. looking back on my Marquette decision, i know God planned for me to come here. looking back on my majors decision, i know God planned for me to study criminology and psychology. He has been leading me in every way since before i even knew Him, whether i saw or see it.

what makes a year from now any different? He was faithful and will continue to be faithful. He was sovereign and will continue to be sovereign. He was true and will continue to be true. He pursued me and will continue to pursue me. He led me and will continue to lead me. He loved me and will continue to love me. He had perfect plans and will continue to have perfect plans. He was God and will continue to be God.

i've wrestled with God, tried to throw down some punches (haha), because i want to know where i'm going to be spending my time a year from now. i want to have the plans. i want to know. but God, being full of His perfect mercy and kindness, has shown me His great love and led me to repentance (Romans 2:4).

my desire to know my future is a clear depiction of my sin and lack of trust in God and where He will take me. i want to be able to tell people that "i will be doing _____ after I graduate." because for some reason, i think that gives me more security and purpose than my heavenly Father. this past weekend, God shined His glorious light into this place of my life. He started asking me the questions: "where do you find your identity, Jessica? am I not enough?" my heart broke and the tears began to fall. my purpose in this life is not to store up riches or labels, my purpose for this life is to store up treasures in heaven, "for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" Matthew 6:19-21.

His purpose for me is to live for Him and in Him and with Him and not get caught up in what the world has to offer. i don't need a label or career because being with Him is enough! this requires trust. trust in His promises. trust that He will be faithful. and this trust is the foundation of my faith: "now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1.

in faith, i turn from my selfish desires to know where i will be a year from now towards my Savior. i cannot see my future, but i am confident that Jesus will walk with me, that God will hold me and that the Holy Spirit will guide me to the place He has already gone ahead and prepared for me. He made me with unique talents and desires to use in a very specific way. right now, i don't know where that is or what that looks like, but following Him with my whole heart, i can more clearly see that my identity and worth is in being a daughter of the One, True King! in prayer i meet my Dad and see this world through His eyes! my hope and prayer is that you will come to know and experience the wonderful faithfulness of our Lord and Savior by trusting Him with all of your life. His promises bring more joy to this life than anything this world can offer!!!

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for that is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 2 Thessalonians 5:16-18

It's not always easy

Have you ever had one of those hard days? It's one of those, woke-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed kinda days. But I can't turn it around. All the things I've planned are just a little too late or a little too rushed. I feel like I keep doing and doing, but it's never good enough. Those prayers I've prayed still haven't been answered. Who am I trying to please? "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10.

And that's where it hits me, right between the eyes. My crappy mood, my perfectionism, my expectations, my plans are things of this world. I'm trying to create an image for myself, fulfill my desires, check off things on my to-do list. I want to see these people, I want to do this and I want to go there, etc. God calls us to not conform to this world, He says, "But be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2. Why am I not asking, "God, the author of perfection, what do you have for me today?"

It is such a trap to live in this world, surrounded by so many things that we can get our mind wrapped up around, but the ONLY escape is Jesus! HE IS PERFECTION! When we seek after the one who is perfection, we more clearly see the world and our place in it. We experience the fellowship of a relationship with Jesus that exceeds any that this world can offer. To clarify, I want to stress that we can't experience God solely through our actions. I could read countless bible verses or Christian books; I could listen to hundreds of sermons; I could invest my time in leading Bible Studies or serving in another ministry; I could fill my schedule with meetings to talk to people about Jesus; these can become overwhelming; we can feel overworked and underpaid. We have to open the door for God to work in ALL of our lives. We have to open our hearts to allowing God into those areas that we have been molding for ourselves. We know what they are, whether it is a relationship with a family member, a friend, a roommate, or a significant other or where we should invest our time in the coming months or where we should take our future or where our next meal is going to come from or how we are going to pay the bills or how we are going to find a job. The list could go on and on and on, but God knows our heart and He wants us to have peace and feel the comfort He has to offer.

From my own life experiences, I know that just because we have that peace and feel that comfort doesn't necessarily mean that God provides a job or mends the relationship, but it does mean that He can use our faith and joy in Him, despite our circumstances, to grow the Kingdom. The apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the Philippians, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13. Paul is saying that the triumphs and the troubles in his life have taught him to depend on God's strength, and not his own, at all times, and in that Paul can be content no matter where God takes him. And that's how we should learn to live.

When we see the world through the lens of Jesus, we see that it isn't about our outward actions and performance, but that when our hearts are aligned with Christ we can experience love and joy in Him, no matter what the world throws our way.

Return to the Mission Field

I made it back to Milwaukee last Sunday! I came off of a Red Eye flight and was absolutely exhausted.

Last week was a combination of intense emotion in missing everything about Seattle and sleeping off the jetlag! There were many times I would just start crying because something little reminded me of a time in Seattle. Luckily, everything in Milwaukee had continued moving while I was gone. I went to Bible Study and slowly realized the community I cherished so much in Seattle would not be meeting together in DNA groups to study the Bible anytime soon! I praise God for my gracious roommates who listened and comforted! I've been so blessed to spend time with dear friends here and catch-up on the happenings of the last month! But the Jessica that left a month ago is not the same!

It has been challenging trying to explain the whole experience and condense it into words, let alone a 5-10 minute presentation. It was so much more than that! It was people, living souls, living their daily lives on the streets, having little to no food and little to no community. It was hearts looking for more and so many children just wanting someone to love them and meet them at their level. It was women in chains desiring to change their bad habits and be free! It was a community of believers praying continually, hearts poured open to God, seeking His wisdom and understanding of the world and His children. It was His love being expressed in so many ways, to so many people!

We are all broken in some way, unable to fix ourselves or fill the gapping whole in our hearts! But God sent Jesus to death to pave the way to restore those broken areas and make His children feel new again, full of life and inner peace, no matter their life circumstances. He wants us to experience joy! Apart from God, we can temporarily make ourselves feel happy and try to convince ourselves it is joy, but true joy comes from experiencing God, letting go of ourself and having faith that the Creator of the beautiful flowers and majestic oceans is the only one that can take care of us and love us completely.

He continues to show me this message and as I let go of more, I feel a peace that exceeds my understanding because even though not having a job, feeling lonely, and having a broken family could run my life and tear me down, God says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will find trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" John 16:33.

A memorable quote from the trip for me was, "We shouldn't call this a mission trip, but instead a vision trip for your life." The mission of sharing our faith IS our lives. This trip has helped me see that more clearly and know that the lessons I learned in Seattle can be brought back to Milwaukee and impact the lives of those here just the same!

Last week, I started researching and praying for opportunities to continue the mission here in Milwaukee. I found a whole list of ministry options, but one stood out because of it's similarity in ministry name to the ministry I worked with in Seattle. This last week I visited with the pastor who works with those who have drug or alcohol addictions. We shared stories and he asked me if I would want to teach a class on forgiveness or death and dying, or simply tutor these adults on basic life skills, such as keyboarding and writing resumes. I was excited because this is an opportunity to bring God's love and redemption to people in Milwaukee and evidence that God does answer prayer.

This week I have had opportunities to catch up with some friends from project and that has been all the more encouraging!

I've been reminded that God protected my time in Seattle by not allowing anything post-project to be on my mind before I left and while I was there. But the reality is that I've reached the time that was kept hidden from me. It's not scary, not knowing. I'm learning to depend on God and trust His timing. He has all the plans figured out, so instead of stressing out over finding a job for the school year, I can trust that, if it is in His will, I will find employment. And now, I'm sitting on two job offers, trying to discern which of these God is calling me to.

When I titled this blog, I didn't fully understand the implications until I traveled outside my MKE bubble. Where You go, Lord, I will follow! The Milwaukee chapter of this story is just starting! :)

short and sweet!

I just wanted to apologize for not keeping constant updates on my time in Seattle. I've experienced so much wisdom and knowledge from God through the staff and visitors here. I've I been taking notes and will post more upon my return!

After the poverty simulation we did homeless ministry in downtown Seattle. We packed two lunches and ate lunch with someone who was living on the streets. This opened my eyes to the different reasons why people were on the streets, by choice or by circumstance. One of the days I was able to play with two little girls, Ida and Jocelyn. We showed Christ's love by attending to them and I was able to wash Ida's feet, a symbol of Christ's love!

The following week was youth ministry and I worked with an organization that helps women who were abused raise their children! We taught them about the food pyramid and giving good instructions. We also listened to the K-5 read, helped them write, and my favorite: teach them math!!! In the  afternoons we went to a local park and played sports! I helped with lacrosse and ultimate frisbee! At lunch time we were able to talk to the kids and they shared their frustrations and struggles with us. It was so sad that we only had three days to be with them, but I learned that investing in kids who don't receive that attention at home is one of the best things we can do for these kids!

The 4th of July was different but so much fun! We watched the fireworks on a hill overlooking the sound! So beautiful!!!

This week we are in prison talking to inmates and hearing their stories! I've been so encouraged to see the freedom they have while still behind bars! Inspirational! I hope to learn what that true freedom looks like back in Milwaukee!

Prayer for our ministry this week and the transition home for us all on Saturday! Thanks y'all!

servant served

i has been challenging to BE served when i'm so use to serving. luckily i've moved into this slowly because i was assigned dinner prep team this last week. we helped chop up veggies and fruit and serve everyone dinner! i have to constantly remind myself that God has provided amazing men and women who have been praying for me since far before they knew me. i am blessed beyond what i can comprehend right now! and it's not about me, it's about Him!

"is not this kind of fasting i have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?" isaiah 58:6

ironically, i wrote this before our homeless simulation. stay tuned for more details on that in upcoming posts, in the meantime, we need prayer for our homeless ministry!